The real cause of our economic meltdown? Why, Jim Treacher’s porn debt, of course!
Just when we need it some.
Markets in turmoil. 401(k) plans evaporating overnight. Huge financial institutions declaring bankruptcy. A black abyss of oblivion engulfing America, as ragged cannibal armies of hollow-eyed MBAs stagger down Wall Street, feasting on the bloated, rotting corpses of CNBC hosts in a desperate attempt to survive one more day. Americans are asking: how did we get here? The answer may surprise you. A growing consensus of economists now believe the current global financial Armageddon can be traced directly to Jim Treacher’s out-of-control pornography debt, and its principle victim, me. By now we all know the bad news, but the good news is that it’s not too late to do something about it — but only if we act now. But first, in order to understand this crisis, let’s review how it started.
All of this, for a copy of “Where the Boys Aren’t“? Just think how bad off we would be if it had been that early ’70’s classic “Last Tango in Paris“?
Wouldn’t be enough butter in the world to avert a Maria Schneider-style meltdown..
While most of us are hoping to get past the next several months, Steve Hawking has great news: If we can just make it for 200 more years, we’ll be just fine!
Me, I’m buying stock in Parkay. Just in case.